An Interview with a Bully
by Love Is a Myth
Summary: Being a Bully is hard, you have to constantly beat kids up, seduce older men to kill them and have nutso guys after you for an interview? i'm not sure if that's normally what happens in a bully's life,but it does to mine. SakuHarem offensive titles inside
1. Adolf Hitler only had ONE testicle?

**I don't own Naruto**

_**.**_

_**An Interview with a Bully**_

_**Chapter one:**_

_**Did you know that Adolf Hitler only had only ONE testicle?**_

_**.**_

I don't know how the hell I got myself in this situation but then again I always find myself in dangerous situations but what I do know is that standing in front of me was Haruno Sakura looking at me as if I'd just asked her for a napkin because I had my period, and I might as well have said that because in reality what I asked might have been much much worse, I asked her if I can interview her, Sakura Haruno, the School Bully.

"Are you retarded?"

Then she walked away

Sigh

Temari's going to kill me! Should I run after her? But maybe I won't be able to go back in one piece if I ask her again…….. wonder who's scarier Haruno or temari?

_Pfwoosh!_

_Smack!_

Ouch!

.

.

Yup, I'd take temari any day

.

-*-*-one-*-*-

.

"Where is that idiot?" sheesh! Where the hell is he? I just sent him to go ask Haruno if we can get an interview with her!"

"Maybe he's already dea—"

Bam!

_Click._

"so? What did she say Naruto?"

"She asked me if I was retarded, then she walked away….. and then she threw her make up kit at me…. Who knew that make up was so darn heavy? But other than that everything is all fine and dandy! I'M NOT GOING TO ASK HER FOR AN INTERVIEW EVER AGAIN!"

"Calm down you're over reacting, it's not like she'll actually kill you."

"_not yet._"

Well as much as an idiot Naruto is I still need him alive, he won't be any use to me if he's cooped up in the hospital…. And with that bruise on his forehead I'd say that if he tests her temper again he might not be able to come back to the clubroom with all his limbs attached to his body…

Then I turned to Tenten, and she had that glint to her eyes…..

Oooh, I know that glint very well…… she's plotting something!

"What are you plotting?" Temari asked curving her lips into a mischevious smirk.

"Why send one man to do the job of a thousand men, my dear friend?" Tenten said attempting a bravado.

"Just get straight to the point Tenten!"

"Fine, what I mean is why only send Naruto when we can also send other guys? Like say shikamaru—"

"What? But he's a lazy ass! What the hell could he do? He'd probably just sleep or somethi'n!"

" –and he maybe a lazy ass and you're probably right on the sleeping part but he's also smart, smart enough to trick Haruno into answering questions for the interview and if he fails then maybe with his attempt he had made haruno's patience snap and maybe the next guy can make her finally give in….THAT or you can just sit back and watch as shikamaru gets beaten to death."

"I got too hand it to ya tenten, for a minute there I thought you've gone noodle head on me like the idiot there, but you got me when you said that there's a 99.99% chance that shikamaru will never be able to say troublesome out loud ever again!"

"uh… sure. We'll go with that."

"Okay, that's our plan! You already heard, so go and fetch shikamaru, idiot!"

_Snore._

_Snore…_

Twitch.

Twitch. Twitch.

GIANT TICK MARK

"You!-slap-Baka!-slap- Wake-slap-up-slap-Already!"

.

-*-*-two-*-*-

.

Splat!

"Tayuya, how many times have I told you not to get blood everywhere? You know that it's going to be hard to clean up later." Said a girl with odd carnation hair and beryl green eyes, while wiping away the blood that splattered across her pale cheeks.

_Eck, I know that wiping blood from my face isn't really that unusual anymore but I'd at least like my uniform not to have blood stains, tayuya can be so messy._

"Yeah! _I'm_ the one who has to do all the work!" shouted a long haired brunette with matching onyx eyes.

_Damn, I'm going to have to call up dosu and the others again for clean up, why do I __**always **__have to do the dirty work?_

"Oh shut the fuck up, kin. You're such a fucking nagging bitch, I'll do the clean up myself today." Shouted a girl with firey red hair and wood brown eyes, through the noises the 'punching bag' is making.

"That's what you always say, but you never really do it." Said a blonde haired girl lazily, opening only one stormy blue eye, while filing her nails, apathetic to the sounds of pain echoing through the room.

"**AAAAHHHHHHHH!**........_sob…sob,sob…_please stop….i….i'll tell you…e-everything I k-know….."

"Finaly! Now were going somewhere, and it's only been 4 days since we started your 'interview'"

A groan was heard, but surprisingly it didn't come from the petrified man underneath them…. It came from the pink haired girl.

"Sak, what's wrong?"

"Nothing it's just that I got reminded of the idiot this morning."

"The one who had a death wish—I mean asked for an interview with you?" asked kin

"This morning? Oh, the one you threw your make up kit at."

"Correction, _my_ make up kit at, I mean sak, how could you get so annoyed that you threw _MY_ MAKE UP KIT, OF ALL THINGS, AT HIM!"

"Well let's see, maybe because of the fact that he was _blonde, obnoxious and asking the impossible."_

"But that fucking sounds like pig."

"_Exactly."_

"You got pwned fat bitch! Hahahha"

"Shut up, tayuya, better fat than flat-chested!"

"Why you bitch—"

"Okay, stop, both of you shut up, let's get back to business" she said turning to the still writhing man underneath them

"So, what information you have, to offer to us? It better be good, or else we can't promise that you'll be able to get out of this room with all of your male reproductive system…."

She said grinning wickedly, like some child who knew that Santa Claus wasn't real, while staying up at night to put charcoals on other kid's socks, only much, much more wicked because nothing is scarier than a bitch threatening to castrate your 'boys'.

Of course the poor man tried his best to make it 'good', no one wanted to end up like adolf hitler. And believe me were not talking about 'world domination' failure, were talking about the world down _there….._

.

_**-*-*-*-END-*-*-*-**_

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**Already got about three more chapters done, but the update is in your hands my dear readers.**


	2. It takes One Bastard at a Time

**I don't own Naruto.**

**.**

**I felt bad to those who actually reviewed, you know who you are and I love you guys very much, so I present to you…. The chapter two! But please guys review, seriously.**

**TO: Shelby Sabaku, I am so sorry, but I couldn't wait to post the next chapter! And you haven't responded to my pm yet, so please forgive me! We can just re-edit the chapters already posted when you get back to me.**

**.**

_**An Interview with a Bully**_

_**Chapter two:**_

_**The journey of fame, fortune and domination, takes one bastard at a time.**_

.

"You sure as hell don't give a damn about your life, don't you?"

_**Damn, can't anyone ever get some sleep?**_

_Gurgle._

_Groan._

_**Why are these people being noisy? Troublesome.**_

"I-i….do…."

"What was that? I can't here ya!"

_**Well, **__**I**__** can hear you perfectly well, and you don't hear me screaming, troublesome….**_

_Gugles._

_Thump._

_**More importantly, **__**what**__** is making that horrible sound? Sigh,…..too many questions….. I just want to sleep….**_

"Tch, fucking wussy."

…_**.troublesome…..**_

_Snore._

_Snore. Snore._

"what the fuck? Someone was here the whole time? Kuso!"

_Ding, ding, dong, dong._

A boy sleeping under a tree opened a single oak brow eye, finaly looking up from his relaxed position on a branch of the said tree.

From down below was a girl with firey red hair, glaring holes at said boy.

Both in a way walked separate ways as soon as the bell rang, but both had a similar understanding that the next time they see eye to eye, they might not part ways unscathed. But oh well this is high school, 'what ya gonna do about it?'

.

-*-*-one-*-*-

.

Bam!

"Lazy ass! Where are you?"

"Great, she's here again, can't you do something about that sister of yours, Gaara?"

And the only response he got was a death glare. He shouldn't be surprised, after all they _were_ in different cliques, geeks and emo's don't 'talk' , because it will symbolize the fall of hierarchy, in other worlds the end of the world….. can't you just _feel_ the sarcasm?

None the less people still follow the 'invisible' rule….. and wait for it….. five…. Four……three….tw—

Sigh

"troublesome."

--o… well that was faster than usual…

"What do you want?"

"You know damn well what I want! _I want that interview with Haruno!_" the frustrated blonde girl shouted, well the last part was more of a hiss.

Sigh

"Troublesome…. I've said this a thousand times and I'm gonna say it again—for the last time—your asking for the impossible, Haruno is untouchable, not only will I get beaten up, it will also call _their_ attention, meaning, they'll step in on the situation, and then where will your club stand? I suggest you just forget about it, just go do some gossip column or whatever."

Temari Pov

Well he does have a point _they_ **can** get your club shut down with a flick of their fingers, if you do one wrong move. But..

"I don't freaking care! And besides this interview would be sensational! If I get this out, they won't be able to take it down or shut us down, because probably the whole school student body would go bananas about it! I mean who wouldn't want to find out something about Sakura Haruno, the mysterious pretty new student that turned out to be a bully!"

"I wouldn't."

"Shut up, that's because you're too much of a lazy ass to actually lift up a news paper or anything for that matter! I can see it now ' Sakura Haruno, the mysterious beautiful transfer student, turned bully. All your questions and wonders about her, answered! Just tune in for our column special section _Sakura Haruno: UNVEILED"_ and then we even put up a si—"

"I get it, I get it. Just shut up, troublesome woman. If I agree to do this will you just leave me the fuck alone?"

I'll just let it slide that he cut me off but…. This is great! Step one of the plan is in commence!

Watch out Haruno Sakura, konoha gakuen's news paper club is out to get you! Every single annoying prick at a time!

.

-*-*-two-*-*-

.

Achoo!

"You alright?"

"Nasty, Sak! You might get germs all over me! And I can't get sick anytime soon c—"

"Oh, shut the fuck up, ino!"

"Guys, you all shut the fuck up, and thank you kin for being the _only_ one who cared and offered me tissue, now let's get back to business. Ino, stop whining and listen to tayuya."

_Silence._

"Uhh… tayuya?"

"Oh, right, well you remember when I got in late this morning?"

"Yeah, I remember how I had to save your butt from detention."

"Oh shut it, kin. I could've handled detention—heck I got _expelled_ a million times already—it's just that you _had_ to get me out of it, right bitch? So there's nothing to be thankful about."

"Yeah, sure what ever slut, but it's not like I did it out of my own free will, you had the info on the guy that Sak sent you to 'interogate' this morning and we need the info now because the due date is about 2 more days, but if passed earlier we can get a bonus, because apparently someone decided to just randomly bust some walls and have _me_ pay for it."

"Well boo hoo, too bad. The guy died, the wuss, he couldn't even handled a little beating. But that's not important right now a guy saw me."

"Ino, --"

"I'm already working on it."

_Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap._

"So, what if a guy saw you?"

"Kin, you don't get it, this guy, he studies in Konoha Gakuen, I saw the uniform and he saw _me_ in my uniform, I'd bet that that's not the only thing he saw too."

"Should we take him out?"

She turned to the pink haired girl sitting in the bench like a queen, texting on her phone, while ino was typing away on her laptop at Sakura's side.

"No, we can't, involving other students in this matter it will cause us trouble more than usual, and we might not get out Scott free this time, I say we just intimidate him or something and if he already told others about it, _I_ will take care of the rest, ino how's the search going?"

"Finished. The only thing I could deduce was that this guy might have carried with him a disc, we need that."

"Tayuya, where _did_ you leave that guy?"

"How cruel! How could you leave a dead man all alone like that!" shouted a blonde who seemingly popped out of nowhere….

"Shion, you're late, as usual."

"Hai, sakura-sama! But it's alright everything is under control! I know the situation, and here! I have the disc! See? I had a good reason to be late."

"Well, at least _some _people are doing their jobs properly…."

"What ya trying to say huh? Kin?"

"Stop, both of you shut up. Thank you Shion, for saving us the hassle of trying to find the body, speaking of which where was it?"

"In the woods, surrounding the school."

"I should've known, and tayuya, you should've known better, next time try to 'interrogate' someone at a considerable distance."

"Yeah, yeah I get it. Back to the guy, he has this weird looking hairdo—snicker, more like weirdo—it looks like a pine apple and it's black or was it brown? I couldn't tell and he had brown eyes."

"Shikamaru Nara."

"Who?"

"Shikamaru Nara, he has most of my AP classes, he's quite smart actually, a bit on the lazy side though, he'd know to keep his mouth shut, but I'll confront him anyway."

"Yeah, I hope he _lives_, he's one of the geeks that can invent more of those cool gadgets!"

"But what about case # 46? It needs to be done by tomorrow. Also that little 'favor' is already past dead line right about….. 1…..2 ….3…. now."

Bang!

_Crash!_

"Don't worry I'll take care every single one of them. One bastard at a time."

"tch."

"You've been reading Chinese proverbs again, weren't you?"

_Kachink._

"Well whatever, let's just check out what the hell, satan sent after us."

"Agreed."

Gun shots were heard.

_**-*-*-*-*-*-END-*-*-*-*-*-**_

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	3. Want a Blow Job?

**You know what, guys? Forget it; you don't have to be committed to review. (Yes, you can do 'the 'dance', you won.) But some day, mark my words, I will make a chapter crappy beyond belief that you will WILLINGLY flood my inbox with reviews! Muwahahahaha!**

**I don't own Naruto.**

_**.**_

_**An Interview with a Bully**_

_**Chapter three:**_

_**Want a blow job?**_

_Click._

_Clack._

_._

_Tap._

_Tap._

…_._

_Click._

_Tap._

Sigh.

"How long are planning on following me?"

"I'm not, this is the way to my class."

"Yes, I'm sure that you're on your way there because you normaly go to your fifth block at the start of lunch, right?" the girl said rolling her eyes at the prospect of him thinking that his excuse will work on her.

_Bam!_

"Look, I approached you, once, and told you to stay away, back off and that you didn't see anything, or else you really _wouldn't_ be able to see anything, **permanently**. So what the fuck are you trying to do?"

"And _I _have told _you_ that I will only agree on your terms if you agree to mine." Said a slightly flustered shikamaru, well with their position as of now, him backed into one of the hard cold lockers whilst a soft warm feminine body was trapping him there, I would be blushing too.

"Isn't letting you live enough? Do you really want to experience Tayuya's beatings? Ino's social death bomb? Maybe Kin's instant financial death tactic? Or shion's guilt tactic? You're a smart guy, you pick your poison."

"What if I pick you?"

"Well for a smart guy, you sure are stupid, to pick me of all people. But I guess you're in luck, I don't have time to mess with little boys like you, so just tell me what you want and I'll just punch you if I don't like it."

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-*-*-one-*-*-

.

"Okay! It's almost done, just officialy loading it up in the net!"

"Phew! Finally! Who knew making a website was so much work?"

"But Temari you made the school news paper site, right?"

"No, you baka. We made shikamaru do it, remember? The only reason he's not doing it again this time is because we sent him after Haruno for that interview that _you_ were to wimpy to do."

"I'm not an idiot! And I am not a wimp, you phsyco dumb blonde!"

"Why, you! Who you calling dum—"

"Guys, shut up! Look, it's posted in the school site in the advertisements next to the sports section. "

**-*-*- page -*-*-**

**Sakura Haruno: Unveiled**

**An exclusive interview with Sakura Haruno is in the process, this site is dedicated to question suggestions for the interview, the answers can be seen in the school news paper, just check out the special column section in the news paper o right in between the gossip column and the sports section!**

**Suggestions:**

_none_

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**-*-*- page -*-*-**

"What should we put as our attention getter for the ad?"

"Hmm."

"Ah! I know the perfect one!"

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Tap. Tap.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

"What the hell are you doing you idiot?"

"What? This is an attention getter!"

_**Want a blow job?**_

…

_Silence…_

_.._

…

… _tick mark…._

…_._

"_**You…… BAKA!"**_

**THUMP!**

.

-*-*-two-*-*-

.

_**Attempt one:**_

"Who is your crush?"

**Smack!**

"Hey! That almost hit me!"

"Well it was supposed to seeing as I didn't like your question one bit."

_**Attempt thirty two:**_

"Wh- what kind of panties—"stuttered a red faced shikamaru

**Smack!**

**Ba-bam!**

"okay I deserved that…. But I wasn't the one who came up with these questions! So stop hitting me!"

"You still needed to be reminded that you should never ask a girl about her underwear. Besides, it's fun hitting you." Cue in sadistic smile

**Attempt… I don't remember anymore…. Too many**.

The only sound in the air was the crunching of the leaves under their feet, and their breaths….

"When are you planning to even answer at least _one_ question? And what are we doing here in the woods?"

"Well, when I find a question that I actually like. And because I want to take a stroll."

"I think you didn't really plan to answer any questions at all from the start…. And you just wanted to cut classes."

"hey! That's insulting, I always keep my word! As for the cutting classes, think what you want."

"If you always do then why don't you ever answer any of my questions?"

"Alright I'll answer one right now, give me a question."

Sigh

That's what she always say and yet she always finds a way to evade, I'll just give her a nonsensical question, better that than to get another bruise on my head…

Hmmm, I know just the right question…..

"What's your favorite quote?"

That was one of the questions Temari sent to me, to ask her, but it's pretty stupid. I mean would a bully really have a favorite quote?—

"When life gives you lemons….. make strawberry juice."

"Huh?"

"I'm not going to repeat my answer, dumbass."

"Okay, but why strawberry?"

"Hmmm, 'cause…. I like strawberries."

She likes strawberries? Did she just give me a bonus? By the way she's smiling she just did answer two questions for the interview….. somethings wrong…..

And just then before I could respond a loud deafening noise surrounded the forest

**AGHHHHH!**

And then I fell unconscious but right before I did, I saw a figure that has rugged brown hair and wild black eyes that's holding something like whistle made of…. Ivory?

.

-*-*-three-*-*-

.

_Normal Pov_

"Fuck!"

_Thump!_

Lick.

Lick. Lick. Lick.

Lick. Lick.

Giggle.

"Hmmm! Akamaru! Stop that!"

"Akamaru! Are you trying rape her? Oh I'll join in!"

**Smack!**

"Take you and your dirty dog's asses out of my face!"

Sniff. Sniff.

Sniff.

Sniff.

"Is that? Blood?"

Arf! Arf!

"What? Oh! Shikamaru?"

"Damn, he fell unconscious!"

She said frantically checking his ears for any permanent damage

"Phew, good thing it wasn't anything permanent. You stupid dog-breath! What were you thinking using THAT in such a place like school?"

The said boy only raised his arms as a sign of peace, though it wouldn't really do anything to placate the pinkette, seeing as he was still wearing that shit-eating grin from before.

"Hey, it's not as if I knew a civilian was with you. I thought you had one of your bitches with you."

"Don't call them bitches douche bag! And help me carry him to the infirmary!"

"I don't wanna."

SMACK!

"Ouch! Okay! Fine, fine! Just stop hitting me with those damned twigs!"

"That's what I thought."

She said grinning one of her sadistic smiles again, just like when she castrated the –beep- out of the –beep- of one of her targets.

Said boy sweat dropped, _maybe it wasn't such a good Idea to have approached her today after all._

**-*-*-*-END-*-*-*-**


	4. It's Not Nice to Meet You too, Asshole

**I don't own Naruto**

**.**

_**An Interview with a Bully**_

_**Chapter four:**_

_**It's not nice to meet you too, Asshole.**_

Bam!

"Nara! What happened to the interview? I heard you got sent to the infirmary?"

Sigh

"Troublesome…. I _still_ am in the infirmary temari. And yes I did get some answers."

"Really? That's great! Now tell me what they are!"

"She likes strawberries and…. Her favorite quote is…… 'when life gives you lemons , make strawberry juice."

"Alright! Thanks, nara! Don't worry you won't have to bug Haruno for an interview anymore, you're already beaten up as it is, don't want you getting killed now do we? It's time I send _the next batch._"

"W-what? But—"

"So then, bye nara! I got to go!"

.

-*-*-one-*-*-

.

'_under the strobe lights….'_

Bodies were grinding against each other, sweat and grime mixing, the dance floor jam packed and the bar full, a normal scene in a club.

"who's our target?" said a girl with pink hair that oddly makes her look out of place in such a place, but the revealing halter neck short black dress makes up for it, plus she had that air of 'I'm superior to you, lick the ground I walk on' so she definitely cannot be underestimated…

"I think it's that Horoshima Tanto, guy." Replied a blonde haired girl, who definitely fits in wearing a purple tube top and a black short skirt with matching boots.

"You mean that old geezer?" asked a red head wearing a mauve sweet heart dress, but we know that she's anything but a sweet heart….

"You mean the old geezer who's going to die tonight." Remarked a brunette wearing a cropped glittery black top with leather skinnies.

All of them were sitting in stools on the bar drinking cosmopolitans, though I will never know how, seeing as they are under aged.

"I see him, he's going into that private booth, over there."

"Who's going to take him out tonight?"

"I'd show him a pretty good time, but then it'd cause him plenty and how the hell is he going to pay if he's dead?"

"Don't worry ino-pig, I knew from the start that you were incapable so I'll just have to do it for you."

Said the pinkette standing up from her stool while downing the last of her drinks, then proceeding to strut her way through the dance floor, to the private booths.

"Hmph! Always showing off! Good luck fore-head!"

"Believe me, I don't need luck, it's as good as done."

.

-*-*-two-*-*-

.

"so? Was the mission a success?"

"Hai. Case #46, complete."

"I expect a full detailed report on my desk tomorrow."

_Translation: get the hell out of the room, before I bash your head in._

"Hai." Said a shadow turning around and walking towards the door.

"Wait, I forgot to ask, how is it going, the 'little' favor?"

"The 'little' favor just got bigger, they sent _kiba_ of all people to '_assist' _me."

"Well it is kind of your fault, you should have accomplished that task before the due date."

"You know as well as I do that it's not that easy but I'm working on it already."

"Fine, but other than that don't forget your _other_ mission, it is after all the most important one, being a life time mission and all…"

Bam!

Chuckle.

"As impatient and short- tempered as always."

.

-*-*-three-*-*-

.

"Good morning class, today we're going to have a transferee, I expect you all to behave and be nice to him, okay?" asked a rather chibi-like teacher with an odd scar slashed across his face.

And as usual no one was listening to him….

_Sigh, teenagers these days …_

….that is before the front door suddenly slammed open with a rugged looking brown haired boy with red upside down triangles on his cheeks walking through it. _every one's_ attention was now focused on the front of the room.

"Yo, I'm inuzuka Kiba, not nice to meet you."

.

**-*-*-*-END-*-*-*-**

**it's short. Definitely not my best chapter.**


	5. Let Me Touch Your Boobs

**I don't own Naruto.**

**.**

_**An Interview with a Bully**_

_**Chapter five:**_

_**Let me touch your Boobs.**_

_**.**_

"**KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"** a loud scream was heard throughout Konoha gakuen early in the morning.

aahh, the sound of a pig dying is always something unexpected in a supposedly peaceful day at school, but I guess it's quite understandable, because of what she found out anyway…..

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?"

From the shrill voice, if you have guessed it to be ino yamanaka, then you are right my friend.

_BAM!_

The napping pinkette under the large oak tree opened one eye in response to the abrupt noise in an otherwise serene place.

"What do you want now?" sakura responded lazily

"I demand to know what the hell this is!" the blonde screeched, thrusting the piece of article on the pinkette's face

"hmm. I believe that **that** is a newspaper."

"I know that it's a newspaper! What I'm asking you is, how the hell is this article published without you knowing?"

"Simple, it's because I knew that that article was going to be published."

"So you _gave_ them consent to actually publish an interview of you?"

"Not exactly, seeing as answering two measly questions is hardly considered an interview."

"Sak, it's not going to end, apparently, because their gonna send other people to ask you more questions." Said kin pitching her two cents in the conversation

"Yeah, and with all of the fucking cases we have we can't have them running around after you or else we're screwed."

Sigh

"Why are all of you worrying so much about this? Just let the problem take care of itself. I'm sure **they** already heard of this, if it's as 'famous' as you keep blabbing that it is, so they're probably just _itching_ to step in on the situation."

.

-*-*-one-*-*-

.

"You show that to all the girls?"

"nah, just the cute ones, yeah."

"Well, I am sooo relieved then. Good night."

"what—"

_SMACK!_

"That ought to teach him to never fall for pretty faces."

"So he's really the guy that they said had _mouths_ on his hands?" asked kin

"Yup, apparently they forgot to note that he's also stupid and a terrible flirt." Replied sakura while dusting her hands

"Not only that! He's a hairstyle stealer! Look at his hair! But I bet mine is silkier than his."

"Yeah whatever ino, can we just get a fucking move on?"

"Ew, he has _mouths_ on his _hands?_ How is that even possible?"

"Oh, stop squirming already shion! Ugh, let's get out of here, this place creeps me out." Stated ino while filing her nails

"And you call yourself a fucking agent?"

.

-*-*-two-*-*-

.

"Damn is it hard to get stuck-up pretty boys to do your bidding!"

"There's a reason they're called 'stuck-up pretty boys', after all."

"Yes, I know that already, but what I want to know is what we're going to do now? After that one column in the news paper people's request has been flooding in! For the first time ever, our newspapers are sold out! They want more, and for us to leave a mark in Konoha Gakuens news paper club—no, the whole town, we _have_ to give them more!"

"Okay, okay, calm down temari. Ever since the last news release you've been jittery, but we can't help that it's hard to get someone who has the guts to even _get in a mile radius_ close to Haruno, let alone someone to interview her!"

"Okay, I'm calm now. But…… what do we do? who would be brave enough to do it?"

"There's a lot of people who are brave enough if you give them motivations, and we can by blackmailing them, but we need to find them out first, so for the mean time….. send Naruto."

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-*-*-three-*-*-

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"So, you gonna talk yet? You know, for a guy who has three mouths you sure don't talk much. Tch." Tayuya said kicking deidara, who was crouched down on the floor with his hands tied behind his back.

"That's weird. It says that he's quite the nagger on his background." Kin said adjusting her glasses while looking at the said file.

"Well I wouldn't be talking either if I were tortured and beated repeatedly." Ino said filing her nails, seems like she just can't stop doing that, can't she?

"That just shows how similar you two are doesn't it, ino-sampai?"

"Shut it, shion, you wouldn't want to be in his position, would you?"

"Of course not, sempai!" shion said, smiling, which in turn pissed 'ino-sempai' even more.

Sigh

"Alright, maybe it's time for a break you guys can go grab a bite to eat or bang your head on a wall, I don't care, just get the hell out of the room." Sakura said rubbing her 'slightly' large forehead.

She received grunts and complains and sure sempai's before the room was cleared up leaving her alone with their blonde haired captive.

There was silence for a little while, until sakura spoke up.

"You can stop pretending now."

She was greeted by silence for a few minutes, before he replied.

"What gave me away?" he said teasingly while smirking.

"When you weren't even making a single sound, you know it's not nice to let others waste their energy beating you up, when it was futile in the first place, if tayuya had known, she would've busted out the electric chair." She drawled out lazily.

"That's exactly why I didn't want her to know. Brr. Crazy red haired bitch." He said making fake shivering sounds.

"Well the crazy red haired bitch might come back with a vengeance if you don't speak up soon." She said probing him, in a lazy manner.

"Nuh-uh, I may have three mouths but I ain't talking." He replied swinging his head from side to side, rufling his hair, then suddenly Sakura was behind him roaming her hands around his torso sensuously, while resting her chin on his collarbone.

"Oh, really?" she said in a husky whisper.

_Is this the right way to seduce a guy? Arghh! Why is that i'm _always _stuck in these situations? I have no idea what I'm doing, I only got lucky with that Horoshima Tanto guy, because I didn't need to do any 'seducing' he just saw me and then started coming onto me in the booth and the next second I had already killed him. Waaahh! What do I do next? Ino-pig should be the one doing this! But then again would it even be effective. I mean someone who looks just like in just the opposite gender? To narcistic people maybe, but I don't think so for his case….. Argg! Why am I even thinking about this?_

"Well….. I could make an exception…."

Yes! Now we're going somewhere! ….. but I feel like I won't like what he's going to say next….

"If you let me touch your boobs."

_**-*-*-*-END-*-*-*-**_

**Don't review. (Reverse psychology does not work; true or false? We'll find out.)**


	6. Blonde Idiots Make the World Go Round

_**I don't own Naruto.**_

_**NO BLONDES WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS CHAPTER…… at least…. Not by much….**_

_**ALSO NO OFFENSE TO BLONDES OF THE WORLD WETHER IT BE DYED OR NATURAL.**_

_**.**_

_**An Interview with a Bully**_

_**Chapter six:**_

_**Blonde Idiots Make the World Go Round**_

Before if you had asked me what I thought of Sakura Haruno, I would have told you that she was a bully I don't want to cross paths with. But now? Now that I've practically stalked her? I'd still tell you that she's someone you wouldn't want cross paths with but me? I'm starting to look forward to every waking moment that I could spend with her. I mean sure, she's a bit abrasive….

_._

"_Hey, watch it, you dumb blonde!" Sakura yelled while banging him against his locker in the hallways._

_While he was left there, feeling the cool metal locker on his back and a seeping humiliation that shows through his cheeks. He was staring at the hall ways she disappeared to._

_._

…..she tends to hit me repeatedly…..

_._

"_I—"_

_Smack!_

"_Ouch! What are you doing? i haven't even done anything yet!"_

"_It's because I _know_ what you we're planning on doing, and I am telling you _again_, I. Am. Not. Going. To. Answer. Anymore. Damned. Questions!"_

_q….*….p_

"_Sakura-chan!—"_

_Smack!_

"_I—"_

_Smack!_

"_Ouch! Would you let me—"_

_Smack!_

"_But I haven't—"_

_Smack!_

"_Ahhh! Fine!—"_

_Smack!_

"_Hey what was that for? I already gave up!"_

"_That's for being a blonde idiot." She said nonchalantly before walking away, while reading her book. _

_As Naruto thought 'I didn't know bullies read?'_

_._

But…. I found out that deep down she was caring, though she doesn't show it often……

_._

"_Ouch!" Naruto shouted, he apparently got a cut on his finger while slicing a tomato, who gets cut while slicing a TOMATO?_

_They were in Home ec, today they were supposed to cook, and predictably Naruto finds himself in 'trouble'._

_He just so happens to have this class with a certain Haruno Sakura._

_A sigh escaped the lips of the said girl._

"_Let me see it." She said holding out her hand._

_He took her hand and she took him by surprise by sucking off the blood from his finger._

"_S-s-sakura-chan?"_

"_Shut up and follow me." She said tugging on his arms, heading towards the door._

"_Where do you think you're going, Haruno?" asked Anko who was the assigned teacher._

"_Out, and here's the Dango you wanted." She said while throwing the dango stick at the wall beside anko's head, then leaving without even looking back, while dragging a confused Naruto to the infirmary._

_._

….she also has her moments, when she's cute…..

_._

……

_._

Uhhh…. Maybe I'll remember those moments later…… she's *blush* well….. she's also…um…uh… _hot._

_._

_He was walking in the hallways trying to find a certain pink-haired girl, he wouldn't become the prime minister someday if he couldn't even overcome something like an interview with a bully, right? Well at least that's what Temari told me….. it made sense at the time……_

_Then suddenly he saw a flash of pink turning around the corner, disappearing behind a door…._

_He ran as fast as he could to catch up with her and then he opened the door with a 'Slam!' and shouted "Found you, Sakura-chan! You won't escape this time!" with a giant grin on his face, which was suddenly wiped off of his face when he finally looked at her. She was in the middle of taking off her shirt, her skirt was already discarded on the floor, and so he had a nice view of Sakura Haruno, practically naked._

_Oh let's just say that after that encounter __someone__ had to explain why the girls locker room was filled with blood, why Naruto had blood dripping down his nose and other various parts of his body covered in bruises and cuts……. And as to why Haruno Sakura, was blazing red in the face all throughout the day, while causing harm to every single thing (or person) that she comes in contact with._

_._

So, all in all she's someone I want—no _need_ to be around with, she's so many things that I can't even talk about all of them, but here's the thing, I think I'm actually starting to like her……. Enough for me to sometimes wish that she would never answer to a single question I ask in my pestering just so that I can be around her for a little bit longer…..

.

-*-*-one-*-*-

.

"_If you let me touch your boobs." _

Those words kept ringing through her mind like an annoying alarm clock or a broken record…… but more annoying.

Now contrary to popular belief, Haruno Sakura is _NOT_ the hot seductress who will give you the best lay you'll ever have, not that she isn't a hot seductive vixen, it's just that she hasn't even been laid at all….. and yes you heard it right; _**SAKURA HARUNO IS A **__**VIRGIN!**_

But to the utter amazement of Deidara, Sakura started to unbutton her white crisp shirt, then the next and the next and the—then she suddenly stopped earning a groan from Deidara. You could practically see the tent made by his hard on through his jeans. Then Sakura started striding towards his crouched form in the ground and pushed him upwards, making him land on the metal chair he previously sat at. She sat on him practically straddling him, what he didn't know was Sakura herself didn't know what she was doing to him…

_Gahh! I don't know the first thing about seduction! I only got lucky in that mission on that horoshima Tanto guy, because he only had to see my outfit and he came onto me immediately and just as fast, I already killed him! Ino should be the one doing this, she's the one who's good on the seduction missions! ….though I don't know if someone will get turned on if they're seduced by someone that looks like them….. maybe if they're a narcissist? Arghh! Why am I even thinking about this? Focus on the task at hand sakura!_

Suddenly Deidara felt Sakura's hands roam around his body, before finally resting around his neck, before she suddenly replied to him in a way that she made shivers go down his spine.

"Sure." She said in a breathy whisper……

.

-*-*-two-*-*-

.

"Uhh… why is the blonde idiot on the floor? With his nose bleeding?" ino asked a bit weirded out.

"What? Naruto's here? Where?" Shion shouted looking around the room.

"No, you blonde idiot! I meant our hostage!" ino replied getting annoyed.

"Huh? But if I'M a blonde idiot, then does that mean you're also an IDIOT too, since you're blonde, sempai?" shion asked tilting her head to the side 'innocently'.

"Why you—"

"Shut the fuck up! You're BOTH blonde idiots! Now, how the hell did THIS happen, Sakura?" Tayuya asked, just as bewildered as the others…. Well maybe not like shion.

"Well, let's just say he was _more than obliged_ to give me what I want after a going through my _persuasion skills_." Sakura replied, her lips curving into a secretive smirk.

"You mean after you beat the bloody pulp out of him? Thanks a lot sakura, we could've just let tayuya get her way with him, if we knew you we're going to knock him out anyway." Kin said while rolling her eyes, you could practically feel her dripping sarcasm.

"No. Obviously I'm smarter than Tayuya because _I_ knocked him out _after_ I squeezed the information out of him." She said shooting tayuya a knowing smirk.

"Hey! I fucking resent that!" tayuya shouted

"Yeah, whatever, so? Where is the location?" Ino said back to filing her nail, after giving shion a satisfying bump on her head.

"Fujimurasaki Castle." Sakura said, her smirk widening into a grin.

.

-The End-

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Why are you still scrolling down?

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**Nah, I'm not THAT mean, so here's a few more.**

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"Why is the idiot here?" Ino 'discreetly' whispered to Sakura

Sigh "It can't be helped; the idiot wouldn't leave me alone." Sakura 'discreetly' whispered back.

"Hey! I can hear you, you know?" Naruto shouted to them.

"Good. _You were supposed to._" Sakura replied showing him her trademark sadistic smirk.

"Back to the plan—"

"Hey there sexy, I hope you weren't starting this party without me, now are ya?" a scruffy voice, which seemed pained stated from behind Sakura. The statement was followed by some barking.

Then they instantly knew who it was, who else had his dog with him at all times anyway?

"Kiba? Where the hell have you—HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE?" Tayuya shouted, pointing at Kiba's bruised and beaten up form.

"Ya know, the usual, fell down the stairs, cats running after me and my gang beating me up into a pulp…." He said slightly panting, limping his way towards them, a smirk plastered on his face.

"What in the _hell_ did you _do?_" surprisingly Tayuya wasn't the one who asked this, it was Sakura.

"You didn't--- did you!" she continued, horror stricken.

At first Kiba was silent, his head down, his eyes covered by his hair, then he suddenly looked up and replied with an easy grin; "Yup, the cat got out of the bag and went to the neighbor's yard, the owner found out of course."

_Translation: __**My gang beat me up because I quit.**_

Only one thought crossed everyone's minds—except Naruto--; **We are so screwed.**

The air began to tense, it started to smell of fear and all Naruto could think is;

_Why the hell were they so scared of a cat?_

**-*-*-END-*-*-**

**I know that I haven't updated in a while, it's because I have gotten my muse back for my other stories……. (excuses) but here's the new chapter!**

**Special thanks to dragontamer ri-chan! If it weren't for you I wouldn't have the incentive to post this chapter!**

**Also thanks to T. G. –san because you are a constant supporter, thanks!**

**ps: I looked back to my other chapters and saw that my borders weren't working so now I fixed them!**

**Pps: sorry that this is only part one.**

**Pps: is anyone interested in BETA-ing? I can't handle handling the spell the damned spell chack anymore! –pulls hairs out- pm me if anyone's interested! **


	7. I am so Damned!

**I am sooo Damned….. Sorry!**

Guys, I am soooo sorry that I haven't been updating in a while for _any_ of my stories.

I just recently moved to the U.S. and the internet connection doesn't work on my laptop so I'm using my uncle's computer right now and according to my friends in , with the rate that people review in my stories I shouldn't really post this author's note, but I like to keep readers informed so I'm also sorry if you were expecting a new chapter.


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